Someone shit on the floor
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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