yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
