Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
