jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
