hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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