fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
