Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
