break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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