you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
