if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
