wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
