6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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