Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
