Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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