i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
