why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize