K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
