I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
