you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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