The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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