Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
