No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's just like the Real World with babies
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
