Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
