So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
