i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
