She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
