Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pants are for mortals
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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