its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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