How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
