I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
