Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
