hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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