6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
