did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
