Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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