someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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