We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize