I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
foreskin is a definite game changer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
