oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
operation have a gay friend backfired
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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