You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize