I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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