'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
