dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
