This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
