imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
