too bad you live with your parents still
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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