Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
