I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
