do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
