She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
