Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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