Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
