I'm going to jail i love you
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
