dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
