from now on my penis is your penis
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
