She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
