i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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