How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
