I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
