I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
