i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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