so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
