I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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