Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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