Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Randomize
