..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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