His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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