According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
